Holiday Hellraisers!
Published: 14th November 2007
Author: Billy MacKenzie
Billy, Tommy Gun and their WAGS hit the Bahamas for a well-earned spot of R n’ R…
After the Nations me, Tommy and WAGS Libby and Harriet jetted off to some well-deserved sunshine in the Bahamas! I was so excited, I've been dreaming of white sandy beaches and clear blue seas for a long time now but there’s never time to do it with the schedule. So when Tommy said he had booked up for paradise island I jumped on the band wagon!
We landed in the evening and had two half limos waiting to take us to our hotel which was frikkin’ awesome! Checking in, we asked the guy if we could have an upgrade and he said 'there is no upgrade man, you got the best rooms’! Me and Tom just giggled to ourselves! We were by far the youngest guys there and here we were larging it up in the trickest hotel! They must have thought we were drug dealers! The WAGS were loving it!
The next morning we were so pumped to get out in the sun. Tommy had been talking about running into the sea 'knees up' the whole way over so seven on the dot I was up and ready to go. I went to the window and gave a big pull on the curtains only to realise it was raining! And not just spitting, pishing it down! I checked the weather on TV and the report for the next seven days told us there were thunderstorms EVERY day. We were all on a downer, big time, we really thought we had come here for nothing but an air-conditioned room with a nice TV.
Not to worry though, the next day was awesome. Sun was out, suncream on and veging by the pool. Me and Tommy couldn’t stay put for long and were soon running up the steps pulling the girls behind us to get on the slides. The first one we went to was the big steep one - I went down so fast that at the bottom I sunk straight to the floor of the shallow pool and skinned all my heels. Tom was next then Libby...but no Harriet! We went back up and there she was. We tried our hardest to tell her how safe it was but she was having none of it. The reason was that when you go down the slide you go through a little tube where you can see all the sharks and she was scared of sharks! We spent a good 15 minutes trying to persuade her before I had enough and grabbed her to throw her down but she started crying and I felt really bad!
I can’t really remember how the week went but we got up to all kinds of mischief. We went to the casino that night and I won $400. Everyone else lost so I made sure to rub it in their faces. Because we had such a good first night it was the social venue for the rest of the holiday at night. However, I started to lose on average $100 per night until I was down again, then on the last night I started to win again. This time I was up to $600 but it was the last night and things were going so well that I put it all down on one hand and lost!
Anyways, me and Tommy had been wrecking some jetskis and giving it knees up down the beach while the WAGS soaked up the sun. I went and bought some goggles and snorkels so we could look at all the fit girls underwater away from the eyes of the WAGS! Me and Tom even went two-up on a jetski! Now that was dangerous! We went miles out to the next island and found some f*****g huge waves! We were getting overly confident on it and almost drowned ourselves as we downsloped a double sweet but went straight under the water! I swallowed so much sea water and we only just stayed on so after that it was time to head back!
Off we trotted with our skanky towels they give you down the beach to the full-on upper class private pool by our hotel. They had DJs, black jack tables, all the posh ass in Dolce and Gabbana bikinis sipping on pina coladas at 40 Euros a pop laying on their nice, soft, pure white towels with their designer glasses on. Then in come us, Alpinestar shorts, Smith sunglasses with our skanky towels and bucket and spade! The only thing we had to fit in were Libby and Harriet!
One night the club in the casino was open so we bought a couple bottles of vodka and Malibu to warm up with in the hotel room as we knew the drinks would be soooo expensive at the club. When we got to the club we were the youngest guys in there by far and Tommy was set on not spending money on booze so me and him were running round trying to steal people’s drinks! On the dance floor we were the boys! We had all these hot milfs coming to dance with us – it’s a pretty upper class place so they must have thought we were completely minted! We didn’t mind the attention but the WAGS were on to us and we didn’t want any sugar daddies trying it on with them so we all behaved!
Next day we hired out some mopeds and went cruising the whole day, round the Bahamas with the chicks on the back. Tommy's ped was faster than mine though.
On the last day we decided to rent the jetskis out again but this time we had one each. After a bit of haggling again we got a decent price and went for our normal trip to the next island. The guy told us not to go out of sight but we were about three miles out behind the next island trying to do jumps! The sea was pretty calm so we had to go close to the rocks to find the waves. I came in flat-out parallel to the break then banked her right but I was too late and the wave broke right on top of me and ripped me off the jetski.
It was really dangerous as we were so close to the rocks with no sand in sight. I jumped back on but the thing wouldn’t start! The waves kept coming in and I was stuck so I screamed to Tommy to come get me and then jumped on his ped. My jetski kept getting closer to the rocks and eventually started getting pounded against them. I was in trouble now - there was no way of getting it and it wouldn’t start anyway! We piggy-backed back to shore where the rental guy was going mental and fair enough, his jetski was probably smashed into a million pieces! I told him it had cut out and there was nothing I could do. Tom and me made a quick exit after that! Luckily we gave them false names and hotel rooms! Oops!
That’s your lot for another month. If anyone fancies chatting to me (unless you rent out jetskis in the Bahamas) then check out www.myspace.com/billymac211